THUS Magazine » police

Iraq is a failed state. Here's why . . .

John Kelly — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:57:35 +0000

“You guys want to be men? Why don’t you go down there and beat some people’s asses. You’re supposed to be Iraqi police but you’re too scared to do your jobs” . . . . . ”Get into a gunfight, and I guarantee you’ll fuck some people up . . . . .

Having returned from a trip to to region, I can confirm that the overwhelming view of Iraq’s neighbours is that the country has been pointlessly laid waste, destabilised, its people terrorised and factionalised by a brutal and mindless occupying force. The much-lauded ‘Petraeus Doctrine‘ was more in the hearts and minds of the Bush PR machine than in evidence among the US troops in Iraq.

The footage here shows a heavily-armed and armoured US soldier brutally and callously harranguing and taunting Iraqi police. Having accused them of belonging to the Madhi Army (if they weren’t before, they most likely will have joined shortly thereafter) he personally threatens them, insults their country and finally urges them to prove themselves ‘as police’ by indulging in random acts of violence. It defies description, so I won’t try. If you want to see how not to win hearts and minds, watch this advertisement for insurgency and terrorist recruitment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1GrdTakvl8

A Victory for Local Oddballs Everywhere

JohnBaker — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:06:30 +0000

The news that Rachel Nickell’s killer, Robert Napper, has been convicted of the crime, will doubtless bring relief to Ms Nickell’s long-suffering loved ones. But perhaps no-one will be more relieved than Colin Stagg, the eccentric but completely innocent man whom the police decided had dunnit, and who, despite having had his trial for the crime thrown out of court, has lived under a cloud of “no smoke without fire” suspicion for sixteen years.

Stagg was the victim of an erroneous psychological profile, which mistook his lonely, squalid lifestyle for a propensity for sexual violence and murder. Convinced by this crude piece of thoughtcrime logic, the police set out to entrap a confession from Stagg. They never got one, but this didn’t stop the CPS from bringing the case to court, and thus dragging this vulnerable man into the public eye and linking him forever to this most horrible of crimes.

OK – the mistreatment of Colin Stagg is well-known and old news, but his complete vindication this week must surely lead us to examine not only how, in our society, having an unorthodox lifestyle can get you banged up, but also the extent to which people found innocent in court of terrible acts must still live with the mark of suspicion.

Viz, that most excellent of publications, characteristically got straight to the heart of the matter years ago in its Top Tips column (and I paraphrase wildly): “Detectives: Lock up everyone who is a bit of a loner and who keeps themselves to themselves, and hey presto: no more murder!” Alongside Stagg, fellow local nutters Stefan Kiszko and Barry George have also been victims of this particularly flawed detection method, which seems to go like this: 1. Find a local weirdo who might possibly have done it. 2. Decide, without compelling evidence, that they have done it. 3. Put all of your scarce and expensive resources into getting a court to believe that they have done it.

It’s almost funny. Hang on – no. It’s actually as far from funny as you can get. For justice to be done, detectives must work with the evidence they have in order to find out the truth, not manipulate the evidence in order to create a new “truth”, which is really an untruth, and a perversion of justice.

The most depressing and troubling thing about this whole depressing and troubling case is that it took the real deranged, sadistic killer to be the one to salvage some integrity, and finally tell the truth about his crime. Had the police paid more attention to the truth in the first place, this whole miserable saga could have been avoided. Sometimes, there is smoke without fire.

Set tasers to stun, Jacqui

John Kelly — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:53:13 +0000

Judge Dredd is ultimate law

My earlier advice about recruiting Pikey police has clearly fallen on deaf ears. The nation was stunned – not literally, yet – by today’s news from our own Sarah Palin, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, that 10,000 tasers would be issued and 30,000 police trained in their use. Amnesty International report that 300 people have died as a result of tasering since 2001, not entirely surprising given that these playful plastic guns deliver upwards of 50,000 volts via barbs. Since the government has not tired of telling us that crime has dramatically fallen on their watch, I for one am puzzled as to why we need to restyle (un)PC Plod as Judge Dredd. Ms Smith, who incurred general ridicule after confessing herself fearful of walking the streets of South London then issued a sound bite to say that she had bought a kebab in Peckham, might consider carrying one herself, except it would be illegal. Let’s hope against hope that none of these weapons of mass electrocution go astray or are left in Starbucks’ toilets by forgetful officers (Thus passim).

Are you feeling lucky?

Mace, tasers, coshes, whips, canes, tear gas, rubber bullets and other weapons of severe corporal punishment in routine use by police forces conjure up images of a fascist police state, which of course is the opposite of our happy, freedom-loving democracy. It’s a very sad day when escalating violence on either side of the criminal divide is given a shot in the arm – or, in this case, 50,000 volts in the chest – by attention-seeking authoritarian wierdos. And I don’t mean the BNP. Please think again. Don’t give plod these nasty toys, which he’ll start testing out on drug dealers (black people) and suspected terrorists (Asian kids) or gangs (white underclass). It’s crass and desperate. And we don’t think it makes you look hard, Jacqui.

Lateral thinking about city job losses and traffic calming

John Kelly — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 21:40:50 +0000

The financial meltdown has resulted in obvious job losses in the oxymoronic investment banking community, with the result that a lot of loutish oafs can no longer afford to go to strip clubs after work. This has caused collateral damage to the pole dancing community, many of whom have been laid-off by employers such as the Spearmint Rhino corporation and various branches of the Russian mafia (not in the least connected).

Although I’m no Gordon Brown or his friend Milton Keynes, my modest proposal is that these ladies of the late afternoon might be redeployed as school crossing supervisors. Ensnaking the stripy poles dressed in white coats with caps at rakish angles and not much else, they would almost certainly slow down speeding traffic. Cameras can add cash to council coffers by selling webcam footage on the internet, but not of the children. For recividist petrolheads such as members of the BBC TV Top Gear team, and to maintain a politically correct balance, young men dressed in loin cloths might shin up and down the poles on the opposite side of the road. The kids would need to be frisked for Stanley knives, of course. Plucky pensioners, formerly crossing supervisors, could do this – it’s certainly no job for the rent boys.

Investment bankers, meanwhile, could make themselves useful by lying in the road, acting as sleeping policemen.

This modest proposal seems a lot more sane than lowering taxes and borrowing even more money to spend on bailing out greedy and incompetent moneylenders.

Identity cards are great – put me down for a couple!

John Kelly — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:06:20 +0000

Despite heavy opposition in the House of Lords, the UK government is trudging ahead with its identity card project. Opposition counts for little in our authoritarian 21st Century democracy, even if some of it is from your own tribe. From 2009, all new johnny foreigners will be obliged to carry an identity card while applying for one will be optional for ‘young people’ between the ages of 16-25. Before you accuse the government of riding roughshod over the deeply held objections of the House of Lords – that reinvented upper house where ordinary folk are given medieval titles – take at look at the Home Office website. The same government shovelled in hundreds of thousands of foreign workers and students, many on the grounds that they were fleeing persecution in their own countries, when we apparently had full employment. At the height of the UK migrant labour boom, the numbers of ‘asylum seekers’ reached an estimated 250,000 – thirty times that of Japan. When we started a vicarious war on terror, the Home Office admitted they had no way of accurately measuring how many ‘asylum seekers’ they had allowed in, but reversed the policy and started locking some of them up in detention camps, sending a token amount back to deeply oppressive regimes and gave the police unlimited stop and search powers, which they enthusiastically deployed to hassle the bejaysus out of dark skinned people.

No change there, you might say. But back to these identity cards. I’d like to put in an early order for a couple. Although I haven’t tried second lifing just yet, I fancy living out a second life with somebody else’s identity entirely. I’ll register a car, rent a room, pop down the Blackstock Rd where (allegedly) you can buy a spare passport and get someone to hack me a new identity card. If it weren’t for the credit crunch, I’d buy some electrical goods, alloy wheels and rent a phone, just like the person who stole my identity last June. Given the UK government’s Keystone Cops track record in maintaining databases, my false identity – I rather fancy the name Caiphas Galaxy – will be as convincing and secure as my real one. plus, I’ll be secure in the knowledge that a US mega corporation, possibly one that forbids its employees to wear beards, will be immensely richer and embedded in the UK security infrastructure at UK taxpayers’ expense for the foreseeable future, pretending that the database is up, running and foolproof. An employee will leave the database on a DVD outside the Al Qaeda internet cafe, however and tighter measures will need to be deployed, including installing more cameras outside said cafe and deporting Mr Bin Laden, the owner, to Afghanistan.

So why not cut to the chase and explain, in those special patronising Home Office tones; ‘we’re introducing identity cards to create macjobs in call centres, waste (borrowed) money, increase the possibility of electronic identity fraud and to give the Daily Mail some more stuff to moan about.’

According to the Home Office website ‘the modern police’ are indeed ‘working towards diversity.’ If they aren’t too busy in the kebab shop, getting their cars washed at the Albanian car wash or leaving their guns in the toilet at Starbucks, you’ll find some of them – in this case a Muslim police person - suing for racial and sexual discrimination.

While you’re on this wonderful, Panglossian website, take a look at the police powers. ‘ The modern police service is a varied, multi-layered, responsive institution working to ensure your safety.’ It goes on to tell you that can stop anyone for anything nowadays without giving any excuse whatsoever: non-compliance is an offence in itself. Lucky us.

Sorry, I’m getting above myself. Too much ginseng today. I blame the Koreans.

Caiphas Galaxy

PS. The CIA website, one of my favourites, emits a delicious pretend typewriter sound when it spells out its title, letter by letter. These guys mean business! Watch out you commie pinkos – we’ll render you to Syria, our new allies in the war on terror, soon as look at you, Barack or no Barack!