Dumb and Dumber- the malady of the quotidian

I wandered Lonely as a Cloud, too fat to see my feet

February 10, 2014

It must be mint cake and Cumberland sausage sandwiches

Copeland in West Cumbria is the fattest local authority area in England, according to government data. The borough has 75.9% of its population classed as overweight or obese. Overall, 63.8% of adults in England have a body mass index (BMI) of 25 or over – a figure of between 18.5 and 24.9 is deemed healthy for an adult, as noted by AskTen.

According to scientists at ThusMagazine, possible reasons include Kendal Mint Cake, Cumberland sausages, Cornettos and Vimto. Other causes may include day time television, Lidl, less fell running, fewer romantic poets/middle class people in general wandering lonely as clouds, the EU and the abolition of National Service. The decline in shipbuilding, mining and opportunities for meaningful work of any substance in a relatively sparcely-populated area of the country are ruled out, since ONS statistics show that West Cumbria is no less unemployed than the rest of the country. So it must be the Mint Cake and sausages.

The fat burghers of Copeland are advised to recalibrate their scales, eat less burgers or expect a visit from Community Secretary Eric Pickles, who’ll eat all the burgers and break the scales, while blaming the Environment Agency.