John J Kelly

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The Great Train Robbers

November 24, 2008

The iniquity of the UK train operators’ stranglehold on a captive traveller since the botched 1993 privatisation, when a patchwork of mini-monopolies replaced the monolithic British Rail is well-documented. The network itself – tracks, stations, signals, overhead electric cables and all the costly stuff needed to run a railway – collapsed accordingly and was taken back into state ownership by none other than Alistair Darling, then pretending to be Transport Secretary. The engines, carriages, freight cars and profitable things that people pay money to sit in or send stuff round... More

Set tasers to stun, Jacqui

My earlier advice about recruiting Pikey police has clearly fallen on deaf ears. The nation was stunned – not literally, yet – by today’s news from our own Sarah Palin, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, that 10,000 tasers would be issued and 30,000 police trained in their use. Amnesty International report that 300 people have died as a result of tasering since 2001, not entirely surprising given that these playful plastic guns deliver upwards of 50,000 volts via barbs. Since the government has not tired of telling us that crime has... More

Lateral thinking about city job losses and traffic calming

November 14, 2008

Financial sector meltdown has resulted in job losses in the oxymoronic investment banking community, with the result that a lot of loutish oafs can no longer afford to go to strip clubs after work. This has caused collateral damage to the pole dancing community, many of whom have been laid-off by employers such as the Spearmint Rhino corporation and various branches of the Russian mafia (not in the least connected). My modest proposal is that these ladies of the late afternoon might be redeployed as school crossing supervisors. Ensnaking the... More