Another plot foiled on fantasy island

April 22, 2009

Thus followers will not be surprised to hear of the release without charge of all the dastardly terrorists who were plotting to blow up Manchester’s Arndale Centre and other key installations over Easter. We predicted the outcome on April 10. Two of the Pakistani students were cleared more or less immediately and it was announced today, Budget Day no less – a good day to bury bad news under even worse news – that the remaining 9 had been handed over to UK Border and immigration officials. No bomb factory was discovered. In fact, despite having 28 days to winkle the truth out of them, no evidence was found, apart from a few happy snaps of Manchester’s biggest shopping mall and other amazing cultural high spots, 1 (one) email and, allegedly, some ‘subversive’ telephone calls. The photos may well have been taken as memories of their time in the North West, to wow the folks back in the Hindu Kush or wherever, like students do, but this is probably a ludicrously far-fetched theory. It’s much more likely that they were Al Qaeda, Smersh or even the debbil himself – ask Tony Blair, God’s avenger – he knows. Let’s hope they got some snaps of shiny boots, batons and their mates being held in stress positions for extended periods to take back to the foothills of Peshawar Province, where they could hardly be blamed for turning into powerful Taleban recruiting tools. (They were recruited to Liverpool John Moores University by an official university representative in Peshawar and were allowed into the country by UK Borders and Immigration authorities. Hello?)

As reported in our earlier piece, this malarky coincided with the need to divert attention from Jacqui Smith’s expenses shenanigans, the sad case of the death of Ian Tomlinson at the G20 demonstration, after a truncheon accidentally hit the back of his legs and he was unfortunately smashed to the ground by a masked and unidentified member of the Special Patrol Group – sorry, Territorial Support Unit. The same Jacqui Smith might also have been somewhat concerned that the arrest of Damian Green, the Tory shadow minister who had come into possession of leaks relating to hopeless lies and obfuscation of Home Office immigration figures (Thus passim), was about to be exposed as misuse of anti-terror laws to smear political opponents.

Meanwhile, Bob Quick, Assistant Commissioner and head of the Anti-Terror squad, who coincidentally was also heading up the enquiry into the Green arrest, was exposed as a numbnuts for revealing details of the North West terror plot outside Downing Street, and supposedly bringing forward the timing of the ‘swoop’. No doubt dark forces will spin that this gave the ‘terrorists’ time to cover their tracks etc. It could equally be the case that Bob Quick deliberately displayed his memo, that there was never really a terror plot and that this sad scenario follows the all-too-familiar pattern established with the Man United bombers (Thus passim), Forest Gate (massive raid, man shot, absolutely no link to terrorists whatsoever), the Galloway Gaza Convoy arrests (ditto) and, indeed, the whole curious case of terror ‘supergrass’ Hassan Butt. North West MP and Borders and Immigration Minister Phil Woolas, a sad case of mistaken identity card if ever there was one, shrieked on Channel Four News ‘We’ve got them’ on the night of the arrests. Meanwhile,Paul Fahy, Manchester Chief of Police, confidently assured Manchester shoppers the night following the ‘swoop’ that they had nothing to fear. Given that the students were proven not to pose a threat, he could only state this if he was certain that there was no plot in the first place.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Of the government, silly.