This report came to me by email, so it must be true.
Queens University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.
7 Comments
Governmentium may be the heaviest element yet known to science – but this will stand only until my research work on Quangonium is complete.
Fantastic.
I only find it slightly ironic that i found this page via twitter.
I wonder how many people will fall for this. =)
Wow! That’s a very good discovery in Science! =))
Here in the US the govermentium has expanded to the critical mass stage. The event horizon is close; and, if current plans are implimented, we will pass it and colaspe into a black hole.
Further research shows the ease with which this material can be weaponized
Yes, and they have discovered the lightest element Yemenium.