Several weeks ago, Thus Magazine speculated that dark forces were abroad in the Mordor of Gordon Brown’s never-had-it-so-good Britain in the form of Mandy and Campbell. Now, according to The Independent on Sunday, Alistair Campbell, disgraced Blair witch doctor, alleged dodgy dossier editor, hammer of the BBC and the deceased Dr David Kelly, looks set to join Mandelson in ermine and officially re-enter the Brown government via the back door of the House of Lords. Campbell has allegedly rejected the offer (which government officials refused to confirm or deny had been made, meaning it has). Since it is difficult to see why or how this arrogant, preening blowhard would turn down the opportunity to resume his bullying and manipulation on an overt basis, it might be conjectured that this is another example of spin. With the news that the oligenous Alan Milburn, formerly a sworn enemy of Brown, would head a six month enquiry into social mobility (a transparent but doomed ploy to re-identify with the ‘people’ and divert attention from Labour’s failed education policy), this would complete the picture of a return to old school New Labour.
Thus predicts that reluctantly, the shrinking viole(n)t Campbell will enter the fray and snuggle up next to Mandy in the Lords, with the sincerity of a Spice Girl pushed on stage for a reunion gig. It is also odds-on that more propaganda masquerading as comment such as the longwinded, wonky, badly-argued cant which miraculously appeared recently in my former magazine, Prospect (however did that happen?) will trumpet themselves to general apathy.
Meanwhile, under its relatively new director, wannabe kingmaker Richard Reeves (another ex-hack) of formerly leftish think tank, Demos, has taken another turn to the muddy centre and has invited ‘University’ of Cumbria academic, god botherer and ‘Red Tory’ cheerleader Phillip (sic) Blond to orchestrate a programme of ‘debate’ into ’Progressive Conservatism.’ (The first question I’d ask is whether the term is an oxymoron or simply moronic). Keynote speeches will be delivered on January 22 by David Cameron, crossbencher Frank Field, Oliver Letwin and the ubiquitous Will Hutton of the Work Foundation (another oxymoron?) for which Richard Reeve once ‘worked’. There is allegedly a lot of money around in the think tank world, ahead of the election, which we are told isn’t happening (it is), despite all this jockeying for the centre ground. I’ll gladly head up a study group to ask: why? Nobody outside Islington and Notting Hill cares what these drooling halfwit spinmonkeys think, or if they think at all.
John J Kelly
